Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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