What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
