You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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