Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
