Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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