May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
