Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
