I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
