Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
