remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
