I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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