is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
