I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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