as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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