Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
