my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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