margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
