She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
