I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
