honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
