Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i believe in u and ur pee
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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