sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What happened to fro yo and sex?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
