Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
