my soul wont recognize me after tonight
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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