we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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