I'll bet she douches with gravy.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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