I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
