my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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