i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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