Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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