I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
