im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My feet surprised me
Randomize
