I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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