Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
