just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
