We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
