I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The chlamydia really affected his face.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
