Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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