Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
