Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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