That's when you crack a 10am beer
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
