I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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