you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
