Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
