...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
