Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
