Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
