Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
