Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
