ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
