There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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