you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
