so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
