take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
