So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
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I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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