Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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