yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
