I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
