i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
