I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
