You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
