I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The air was thick with penises
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
