I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
