meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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