im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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