I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
