Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
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I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
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I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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