so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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