I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
