using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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