Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
