Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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