allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Enjoy the penises
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
