Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
