hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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