final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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