does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
