my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just pee around me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
