I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
