just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
